[ Thursday, November 30, 2006 ] why do i have to be such a nice person? im treated like shit, but im still nice. i wish i could just not care anyway. i wish i could just walk away. i do nice things, and i get my ass handed to me on a silver platter. what cant i just not give a damn anymore. what do i have to care? comment

[ Saturday, November 18, 2006 ] why do i do this? why do i keep digging myself deeper and deeper when i really want to go out. i mean, i like when im deep in it, but its killing me inside. im there, shes not there. i want to wait but i know i shouldnt. why cant i move on? its my senior year, i should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying about little things. just have a good time and relish every moment. but every night i always end up like this. what do i do. what can i do. i can get over her. shes sent me the signals plenty of times, but im too stubborn to let go. i cant let go. why? comment

[ Sunday, September 10, 2006 ] And now I'm all alone again Nowhere to go no one to turn to, Did not want your money sir I came out here coz i was told to And now the night is near Now I can make believe he's here. Sometimes I walk alone at night When everybody else is sleeping I think of him and then I'm happy With the company I'm keeping The city goes to bed And I can live inside my head. On my own Pretending he's beside me All alone, I walk with him till morning Without him I feel his arms around me And when I lose my way I close my eyes And he has found me In the rain the pavement shines like silver All the lights are misty in the river In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight And all I see is him and me for ever and forever And I know it's only in my mind That I'm talking to myself and not to him And although I know that he is blind Still I say, there's a way for us I love him But when the night is over He is gone, the river's just a river Without him the world around me changes The trees are bare and everywhere The streets are full of strangers I love him But every day I'm learning All my life I've only been pretending Without me his world will go on turning A world that's full of happiness That I have never known! I love him I love him I love him But only on my own. 2, read or comment

Wow...it's been a while [ Wednesday, July 12, 2006 ] [ mood | awake ] Hello everyone! Hope everyone is having a great summer! I'm sorry to Lizzie and Hillary, I know you have called me and left messages, and I have called you and left messages, but this game of phone tag never seems to end. I have been crazy busy (of which I will explain later) this summer, but I'll be free when I get back on the 21st, so we can hang out all the time when I get back). I owe you all a massive update starting from the beginning of summer, and since I found a random moment of a break between practicing and concerts, I figured that I would do this now. End of the Year: Well, the end of the year was good. Junior year is over, thank you lord! It was a good year, lots of stuff going on. I have to say that the best thing by far was meeting Brie. We met my sophomore year, but we didn't really starting becoming best friends until this past fall. And now, she is my girlfriend! I can't even describe in words or music how amazing she is and how happy she makes me. She sees something in me that no one, not even me, ever saw. Knowing her makes me a better person, and I've never felt as happy in my life, as I do when I'm around her. During a year that was both academically tough, musically tough, and personally tough, she was always there to help me through it. As I said, this year as been very good but also very hard. Lola passed away in October and my grandparents got divorced in the spring, because of a nasty thing. I'm not sure how I would've gotten through the year without Brie. I still miss Lola. I think about her a lot. I also took on the role as third parent in my family, because a full time babysitter/nanny was too expensive and I needed to have my cello lessons, so I took on the role. It has been hard, and sparked many fights with my parents, but hopefully it all turned out for the best. This year also brought out a lot of good things. and 4.5 and a 4.3 GPA in the first and second semesters, an awesome V-Show act (which I will show you before you go to college Lizzie and Hillary), Footloose and arranging music for it, Gigging with my trio and quartet, and playing Kol Nidrei with an orchestra! Yes, it was a very good year, and I'm excited to be a senior. However, that only means I have one more year with Brie :( Summer: The summer has been very fun and very busy. I'm trying to save a lot of money for a new bow (they cost a few GRAND, wtf??) so the first two weeks of summer, I relaxed, had a gig, and hung out with people. Fiddler was lots of fun too, it was a great show and a great cast. Jay was great as The Fiddler, except he looked like a nazi b/c of his costume hahaha. The next two weeks I spent helping set up for my cello camp in Chicago, running errands, lots of office work and stuff, just getting the camp going. I got $10/hour for that...pretty sweet. And of course there was Ira's, which has been going well. We're remodeling in a few weeks hahaha, pretty snazzy. Ya'll should come and visit soon. So then I had the week of cello camp in Chicago and that was good. My Lolo and cousins/uncle/aunt came up from Houston and they got me at nights during camp, which meant my only sleeping time was from 2:30-7:30 in the morning. Then I flew to Ithaca on Sunday and I'm here until next Friday, and then I just practice a lot until school starts. SENIORS!!! Woot woot! And then of course, the best part of summer is that Brie and I started dating! Unfortunatley, b/c of our busy schedules and Fiddler, I haven't taken her out on as many dates as I wanted to, but that will all change when I get back. She is amazing and she takes my breath away. Like Andrew Lloyd Webber's song says "I have never felt like this. For once I'm lost for words. Your smile as really thrown me." Well I'm running out of time and I have to go to a concert now, but I'll try to post a message more often and hang out with you guys when I get back. Have a great summer and see you all soon!! 1, read or comment

[ Monday, April 10, 2006 ] [ mood | pensive ] So today I was finish up dinner, and I caught the last 2 minutes of Titanic. Now, the movie is extremely cheezy, and the acting is OK (thats why it won all of the Oscars except the Acting ones), but the last two minutes really stunned me, for a reason I'm not all to sure of, but I do have an interesting interpretation of it. So Rose, the main character, this point in her early 90's, falls asleep in her bed. Then, the camera fades into an image of the real Titanic down at the depths of the ocean. The camera then slowly zooms into the ship and you see the ship, all moss covered and rusty. Slowly, as the camera moves faster, you see the moss covered ship turn into the ship that it once was, with its freshly polished wooden floors and the sun streaking through the spotless windows. Then, the camera turns the corner and we go through wooden doors and we walk into the grand room with the grand staircase. She walks in and all around the room, she sees everyone who was on that ship. The camera slowly pans over to the staircase and Rose starts walking up. She sees Jack, the love of her life, standing at the top of the staircase, facing towards the big grandfather clock, waiting for her. He turns around, and kisses her and everyone starts applauding. The camera that turns upwards, towards the glass dome. Fade out. This ending, I thought was the perfect ending. It's interesting to think that even though she did marry after Jack died on the Titanic, he was the one waiting for her in heaven, at the top of the stair case. Everyone in the room had died on the Titanic, and now as her soul was on its way to heaven, she was going back to the Titanic, going back to all the people that died that night. Now, it was her turn. They all stood there watching Jack and Rose meet again, after many decades. Then, they all started applauding when they kissed. After 70 years, they were finally together. And as she died, she was reunited with her one true love. 3, read or comment

Cause that's what Friends are for [ Monday, February 20, 2006 ] [ mood | giddy ] So yes...continuing from earlier today, Monday: Today was such an awesome day!! I picked up Brie around 12 and we cut up some pineapple, and then went to Dominicks to get soup. New England Clam Chowder is where its at my friends, that is one grrreat soup! Then we came back to mi casa, cooked the soup and watched De-Lovely and The Emperor's New Groove...two great movies in their own respects. I really love hanging out/spending time with Brie. In trying to describe her, well, I'm not really sure how to begin. She's just an amazing person and I really don't where to start, or how to explain it. I remember that in November after Lola had just passed away, she left me this really sweet myspace comment and then brought some friends over to my house and we made spaghetti together, and she was there when I needed someone. Brie is the best friend that I've always been looking for. She's nice, beautiful, sweet, polite, compassionate, understands me, and is just an amazing person. My words don't really do her justice, but I try. She came "into my life" (yes I know it sounds like a cliché) when I needed a friend the most, and she just helped me out of the gutter. She's the only person to stay up with me untill 3:00am talking online multiple nights in a row and until 2:00am on the phone. One of the best parts is that, for the first time, it's a two-way relationship. With others, it has just been a one-way thing, usually with me doing all the work, the calling to hang out and such...and I love the fact that she wants to talk to me too. Over the past few months, we've become really close and I love knowing that there's unconditional love there and that there's always someone there for me. I guess some of the reason why I haven't been lj-posting as much is because usually my posts deal with something happening and me feeling like shit and being lonely, but now we IM each other everynight and she makes me feel better...but dont worry, I'm gonna try to do more postings now, b/c I miss you kids. Oh yes, I've had some good times with her...Douggie Fir, spraying wiper fluid in my mouth, gatherings at Ira's, V-Show, and countless other memories. In fact, she is the one to thank for the pimped up version of my lj and myspace. I'm really not sure how to explain or describe how I feel, but I'm extremely thankful that she's my friend, and I love her. I guess Randy Newman says it best: "I would have nothing, if I didn't have you". 3, read or comment

[ Monday, February 20, 2006 ] [ mood | excited ] What? What is that? Oh yes my kiddies, this is a post!! For the first time this year probably...anyway, yes, I actually have some spare time right now for a good post, and not just some lyrics expressing how I feel. This has been a much needed relaxing weeked....much needed in deed. Let's start from the very beginning....a very good place to start (Sound of Music....nevermind) Friday: Let's see, after school on Friday mi mejor amiga Brie came over and we finished watching 'The Terminal,' which we started to watch over winter break, haha. Then dropped her off and went to work..which was uneventful, because it wasn't that busy. So after that, I bought some flowers for my frosh friend at South. She was supposed to go on a date with this guy shes liked for a really long time, but he decided to stand her up and she was really sad, so I went to South (she was in crew at the time) and gave her the flowers and hopefully she felt a little better. Then, the cantor at my temple asked me to chaperone the junior choir sleepover with her at my temple..thats right kids from 3rd-6th grade, 20 girls, 1 boy. That's right, I knew that I was crazy when they all started singing from Wicked, hahaha. So ya, it was really cold on that floor, but ya, it was fun. Saturday: After my chaperoning excursion ended, I went off to jolly old ACT class, which was, well, ACT class. Then, I went to Subway with Dan Silberman, who was back in town from Interlochen for the weekend...he seems to be doing well. Then I came home and did stuff, then went to cello choir and playing this really cool Vivaldi Concerto, a Tango, and some other really cool stuff. Then I dropped of Hyunjin, and went to pick up Michelle for turnabout. We went to J. Alexander's, which is this cool place on Lake-Cook, the genre: Americana/Grille, but nice Americana/Grille; and the waitress asked us "Would you like some Chardonnay or any wines or beers" haha and we started rolling on the floors laughing, yes, i just felt like spelling out rofl. So after that, we swung by to pick up Brie. Dan Stone and Ian invited her to go to the concert, and she needed a ride, so we were glad to bring her with. And then we schlepped down to Northwestern's Pick-Staiger Concert Hall. Brie had a ticket from Dan's parents, but Michelle and I literally got the last two tickets in the house...it was a close call, but we made it. The concert wasn't bad. They played Mendelssohn's Overture to A Midsummer Night's Dream which pretty good, but the beginning sounded a little jumbly in the violins. The two concertos, the Kabalevsky Cello and the Shostakovich Cello were fucking amazing!! The girl who played the Shostakovich went to Shabonee with me, so I knew her and she was brilliant!!! Then they did Barber's Adagio for Strings, which I was dissapointed in. Dr. Dennis took it way too fast and then during the powerful climax, he started friggin stomping on the podium and it could be heard a lot...it totally ruined the mood. But on the way home we listened to the Berstein version which..there are no words to describe its power. But, the concert concluded with Carl Orff's opus Carmina Burana. It was very good. It had its moments...except for that guy who sang way to high for his range...and the piece as a whole was very repetitive. But yes, twas a good concert. We ran into Keith, Doug Rosenthal, and Allen Chen, who was in the U of I chorus singing Carmina. It was really fun..and then I say all my MYA/GSO/Cello Buddies after the concert it was sooo much fun. Then we drove to, where else, Baker's Square and had some scrumptious pie!! Mmm Mmm Good! Then I dropped off Brie and Michelle, went back to drop off something for my padres at Blockbuster and then was on the phone with this cutie until 2:00am, until I finally passed out. Sunday: I woke up at a toasty 8:30 to go to quartet, only to find out once there that it was moved to 3:30, so I went home, and then went to work, which was interesting I guess. It wasn't that busy...so time to relax. Then I went to quartet for a much needed rehersal since we have a gig a week from today with new music, but ya, it's a lot of fun. Later that day, I picked up Zurad and went to eat with Jay atn Schezwan North, where he works. We filled oursevles up with great Chinese food and then went to Dan's house for our normal jam session and talking since he was in town. Instead of doing normal jamming which is usually hints of rock and bluegrass, we did some jazz improv which was pretty damn cool. We came up with some pretty cool licks and we found out that our best key is D minor, for all of you eager to know. Then we had our normal deep guy conversation which covered a wide array of topics..and then we went home. And as for Monday...well I will write about today later tonight! Mucho love to everyone! 6, read or comment

I wish my troubles melted like lemon drops [ Friday, January 27, 2006 ] [ mood | crappy ] When all the world is a hopeless jumble And the raindrops tumble all around Heaven opens a magic lane When all the clouds darken up the skyway There's a rainbow highway to be found Leading from your window pane To a place behind the sun Just a step beyond the rain Somewhere over the rainbow way up high There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true Some day I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far behind me Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly Birds fly over the rainbow Why then, oh why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow Why oh why can't I? 4, read or comment

Confeciones [ Sunday, January 22, 2006 ] [ mood | bouncy ] Yes, I know, I owe all you leiblings a good post, and I will soon...I promise! But until then, I give you this, stolen from Hill and Lizzie, because I have no homework this weekend! I'm afraid of the quiet: No, but its not my favorite. If it's tooo quiet, then I put on music. I have cut myself: Nope I'm afraid of the dark: Ditto on Lizzie's thing about the fear of the unknown. I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night: ¿Como? I've run away from home: Felt like it, but never have....took that anger out by playing cello! I shut others out when I'm sad: Yes I communicate with others easily: Yes I watch the news: Sometimes, but I really like the Lesiure Arts section in the NY Times and the Arts and Entertainment section in the Tribune. I own over 5 rap CDs: HA! no. I love Disney movies: Yes, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Hunchback, Nemo I am a sucker for eyes: Yessssss, blue usually does the trick I kill bugs: Yep I curse regularly: Yep I have an "x" in my screen name: No I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation: Yes-as a joke I like Spam: The food: YES! You are not filipino if you dont like spam! But the email...not so much. I bake well: Grilling and sauteeing are my fortes I have worn pajamas to class: Nope I have a job: Yes, a few I love Martha Stewart: oy gevalt! I like someone: Love is tricky....I'm not really sure.... I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS: Nope I like to laugh: Yes, tis the best medicine I have tried alcohol: wine I have tried a cigarette: No I have cough drops when I'm not sick: Not usually I have smoked weed. No Swallowing pills make you gag: Used to..but then i mastered it, hahaha I have many emotional scars: I tend to not let the past bother me...like Timon says in the Lion King....but there is a big one that I can't seem to shake off, or its really hard too I have many physical scars: Two..from getting cancerous moles removed I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room? Nope, I get up and kill it. Same as Lizzie I am really ticklish: Yes I love chocolate: Yes I bite my nails: No, but trimming yes I am comfortable with being me: Hellz yes! Seen a shooting star: waiting for that moment when im lying on the ground next to my loved one, our heads next to eachother, looking up at the stars and then we see one Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose: I think so... Swore at your parents: No Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour: Nope Drank a half a gallon of milk in under a minute: I dont think so Bitten someone: Not that i remember Gotten the chicken pox: Got the vaccination Crashed into a car: Nope, I'm a safe driver Ridden in a taxi: Yup yup! Had feelings for someone who didn't like you back: Story of my life! Had a crush on a teacher/coach: Nope Been On A Plane: Many times Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show: Heard the music Thrown up in a bar: Never been to one Eaten Sushi: nope Walked purposefully into traffic with your eyes closed: nope I tried to kill myself: Nope 1, read or comment

[ Sunday, November 20, 2005 ] [ mood | stressed ] Well, last night I was contemplating my relationship with Amanda and decided that I was more unhappy instead of happy. I had always felt like she wasnt reciprocating my feelings, and such. I'd dive into it more, but two tests and two papers are calling. But I finally found the balls to talk to her about it and I said that if she still wanted to continue our relationship, then I would love to work things out, but if she didn't then I'd understand. Bottom line was that I wanted her to be happy. However, today when i talked to her about it, as she always does, she surprised me. She said she knew what I was talking about and aggreed that she was always kind of "half here" as she said. And she said that she didnt want to say yes or no, but she just wanted to be friends. Not "we'll be friends" like ya, im never gonna talk to you again, but she said that she wants to keep talking every weekend, and she wants me to be what she really needs at this point, a friend. So, its a win-win situation, b/c now I'm single again and maybe I'll find someone here, and I have a good friend who I talk to every week. I guess that fortune I got in my fortune cookie this morning was right: "Your luck has been changed for the better today." P.S.: I'm really sorry about Friday Lizzie, bad planning on my part. I promise I'll make it up to you...maybe this weekend, and we'll see HP4, or Rent, lol. love ya! 5, read or comment

A stressful week........ [ Sunday, November 6, 2005 ] [ mood | tired ] Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for all of your comforting comments this week, you guys really helped me get through a tough week. Thank you all so very much! I love you all! Any way, for a nice break from hw, I thought i'd fill this out.... Best Moment this Week: Well, although the week was shadowed by the fact of Lola's death, it was fun seeing all my filipino family, all my cousins, relatives i havent seen in years, and gorging our faces with awesome filipino food! When a death occurs, you go down their for three reasons: 1. To pay tribute to the person who was lost, 2. to comfort those who were hurt the deepest, and 3. to celebrate that persons life. And even though we were in Houston for a sad reason, it was good catching up with my family, especially my cousins. I was also glad that I got to personally say good bye to Lola, and that I got to play the Popper Requiem for her. When your friends rock as much as mine do, you: have them come over after work on Friday, cook spaghetti and cookies, talk with them, and help you through an emotionally troubling week. Worst Moment: Lola passing away. Listening: Frank Sinatra and Yo-Yo Ma, separate CD's though Tasting: The after taste of fries from work Seeing: All of this English shit I have to make up Feeling: Tired, stressed Happiest Passion: Filipino Food! Reading: The Rise and Fall of the Broadway Musical by Mark N. Grant $$$ Spent: Lunch/Dinner Gas Costs: $2.40 in Texas! Health: Phsyically/emotionally tired! Phrase of the Week: Brie: What? You've never liked her? Every penis goes through a Maddie stage. Aaron: Not mine.... Most Dreaded Project: Spanish Video Strangest Thing: Trying to explain science to Alberto at work Excited for: Seeing great movies this November/December with Hill, Lizzie and Michelle, like HP 4, Rent, The Producers, Chornicles of Narnia, The New World...and families coming in a month for Chanukkah!!! (X-mas for them too) Goal for Next Week: Get caught up homework from the past week. NSO CONCERT ON SUNDAY, with RACHEL BARTON PINE and I'm playing in it. YOU SHOULD ALL COME!!! Sunday, 11/13 at 4- GBN, Meyer has free tix. 5, read or comment

Death [ Friday, October 28, 2005 ] [ mood | sad ] Well, if you're looking for witty remarks, or Broadway one liners to explain life, stop the presses cause I'm all out right now. My Lola (tagalog for Grandmother) passed away tonight. She was complaining of chest pains this morning, so they took her to the hospital. One physician said that she was fine and they were about to let her go. Then, another physician said that they wanted her to stay overnight just to be safe. By Tito (tagalog for uncle) was taking Lolo home when he got the call. Lola had gone to the bathroom, and the nurses found her on the floor in the bathroom when they couldn't find her while making their usual rounds. We think it was from a heart attack. It was so sudden. It was a great shock. Nothing was wrong, just out of the blue, it happened today. All day today I felt unexplainably strange. I felt like there was something wierd that was going to happen. I also felt like there would be something preventing me from talking to Amanda tonight. Well, when I got home from work, I text messaged Amanda that I'd call her when I get a chance b/c of what just happened. My dad called me a 7:45, I was still in the middle of closing up the store and he told me to come home quickly right after work. I said "Why? Is everything ok?" and he said "No, not really" in a solemn tone, not wanting me to hear it over the phone. Being my normal panicky self, I spend the last half hour going through every possible scenario that could have happened. When I got home, everyone was sad, and my mom was crying (it was her mom, if you didn't get that by now). She explained to me what had happened and we all comforted each other. She died alone. That was one point that Mom lamented on. She made us kids promise that God forbid one of us ends up in a hospital, that we will never leave them alone. She seemed very fightened by the fact that Lola passed away alone. Lola never liked hospitals, and whenever she had to have an operation or something done, she always wanted my mom there, and for the big operations she was there. But not this time. If there's one thing that I want you all to get from this entry, its this point. Sometimes we take life for granted, and dont fully comprehend that it can be taken away from us at any moment. We also grow older and move on to bigger and better things. The big vibe that I keep hearing from you, Lizzie, Hillary, and Michelle, is that you can't wait to get out of high school. And that's good; you should be excited for your future. But just promise me this: relish every moment that you have left, because one day, you'll regret not making this year the best it can, and you'll be wishing for these days back, one last musical, one last open lunch, one last orchestra concert, one more last pretzel being shoved down your shirt. When you all are gone next year, I'll miss the open lunches, and the pit get togethers, and the Phantom-ing, and the picture taking of condos, and everything else. I'll miss you all, and I miss Jenna, an insurmountable amount. Having you guys to talk to is what keeps me sane in this crazy world we live in. When we're older and have kids of our own writing these journals, think of us, and the good times we had. But, most of all: Never forget each other, never forget what you mean to each other, and never forget the impact that each of you had on each others lives. Thank you, and good night Chicago. 6, read or comment

Strictly Boredom (haha Strictly Ballroom....nevermind) [ Sunday, October 16, 2005 ] [ mood | bored ] Forgive me Lizzie, but I am so friggin bored and dont want to do homework, so I'm gonna fill one of these out if you don't mind. Best Moment this Week: Playing at the Kohl's Children Museum with my trio for a bunch of rich people who aren't paying attention to us; playing for 30min longer than we were supposed too, and repeating our program 3 times over. Wearing my GSO tux no doubt :) When your friends rock as much as mine do, you: Go to lunch, buy a cookie at Jimmy John's and drive to Lizzie's house, wake her up from being sick, drop off the cookie and go home. Worst Moment: Homework Listening: Beethoven 6 (Pastoral) Tasting: Peanuts Seeing: the look on people's faces as you blast Beethoven 5 out the car Feeling: annoyed by US, and sad that Amanda can't come for HC :( Happiest Passion: Hanging with the cello gang, and seeing tons of people I haven't seen in years at IMEA, and family gathering for Yom Kippur Reading: US Book and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time $$$ Spent: Lunch and Amanda's b-day present Gas Costs: $2.99 Health: Felt conjested today, ate some hot peppers and work and then BAM! sinuses cleared! Phrase of the Week: "Thanks Doll. Haha, you're a doll, i'm a guy, we should make a musical! Wait...they already did...oh crap" and also Aaron: "Hi Mr. Meyer!" M eyer: "Hi Aaron, how are you?" Aaron: "Mr. Meyer, if I were a bell, I'd be ringing!" Meyer: "Would you go ding-dong-ding-dong-ding?" (Guys and Dolls homage) Aaron: "Yes indeed. I could also say I'm so high I swear I could fly!" Meyer: "Huh?" Aaron: "From Oliver!" Meyer: "Ah yes, you speak with an unforked tonuge." Most Dreaded Project: US Key Concepts and Research Paper Strangest Thing: The whole brown-nose incident in orchestra...that was strange. Excited to: Talk to Amanda tonight; Performance class on Wednesday, IMEA results, Amanda's birthday on Tuesday! Goal for Next Week: write NHS application, practice Popper, Holberg, Bach, Bruch Pictures of the Week: Having our picture taken by the Pioneer Press guy at the gala opening at the museum 4, read or comment

If I were a bell, i'd be ringing... [ Saturday, October 15, 2005 ] [ mood | tired ] I know! Shocking! I'm actually posting! Just came back from a rehersal for a gig tomorrow night...the gala opening for the new Kohl's Museum in the Glen. I have to wear a tux too....thats right, I'm pulling out the GSO tux. So ya, I saw hills post and i couldnt resist to fill it out...actually, im just so tired im awake and cant go to sleep. 8 Firsts... First Best Friend: Andrew Landry First Kiss: Amanda First Screen Name: same as now First Pet: Fish...that died a day or so after getting it First Piercing: wouldnt you like to know... First Crush: Alexis First CD: Yo-Yo Ma, Bach Unaccompanied Cello Suites (I think) 7 Lasts... Last Cigarette: I don't smoke. Last "i love u": This morning from my mom Last Car Ride: just now, dropping off audrey Last Kiss: The day I left from Ithaca (Amanda) Last Movie Seen: Sin City Last Phone Call: Amanda Last CD played: The Yale Cellos; gotta love 21 cellists taking Popper Requiem reeealy slow! 6 Have You Evers.... Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: No, they all turned me down, but for the better, which i found out recently Have You Ever Broken the Law: uhhh Have You Ever Been Arrested: NO Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Well...... Have You Ever Been on TV: Once being interviewed at an art fair in Alabama, and then on the Dist 27 and GBN channel Have You Ever Been in love: Yes 5 Things.... 5 Things You're Wearing: sweat pants, shirt, boxers, glasses, watch 5 Things You Did Yesterday: Went to services, played cello at temple, broke the fast, saw grandparents and cousins, ate a lot of good jewish food! (gotta love brisket and deli/fish platters from Max and Benny's) 5 Things You Can't Live Without: Cello, music, Amanda, my family, my orchie/cello friends 5 places You've Been: New York, Washington DC, Puerto Rico, Houston, Michigan 3 People You Can Tell *Almost* Anything To 1. Amanda 2. Lizzie/Hillary 3. Jenna/Michelle (to save space) 2 Choices... 1. Black or White: white 2. Hot or Cold: Cold 3, read or comment

[ Friday, September 16, 2005 ] [ mood | sad ] Well, here's what she said: Amanda really really wants to come. Her parents want her to come. She loved the flowers. Her mom loved the flowers. Her dad said 'So, you got flowers, eh?'. But the thing is is that she's way to busy to do anything anytime, not to mention a whole weekend. She was very apolegetic, and she really wants to come, but she's simply to busy, with orchestra, craploads of homework, chamber, gymnastics and other stuff. She told me to still go, but lets be honest, there's no point in going if its not with her. And I had everything planned out too :( Her mom told her to tell me 'not to commit to anything' which means that she said something could change, so its not a definite no, but right now it looks that way. As you all know, I have that Candide-optimism part of me that's saying she could still come, which I pray to God is true. She also invited me to come up in December to hear her concert, which is good too. I'm just very upset right now. I am thinking of going up there and surprising her on her birthday, which is a few days before homecoming, the tuesday before to be precise, just for a day and surprise and be with her on her birthday. God, I wish that she could come. She is more than amazing, its indescribable. I wish she could come. 4, read or comment

This Is Why I Want to Be a Musician [ Thursday, September 15, 2005 ] The greatest Western art music, well performed, can lead to no less than a spiritual experience. An experience that transcends the physical parameters of space and time. It is the feeling of becoming lost- of losing oneself in the experience. It is losing the self becoming the sounds. It is the rare and magical experience of the entire work filling a single moment. This is the ultimate, highest, experience of musical beauty. Strange and mystical? Not at all. All musicians have known this experience, either in listening or in playing. Moreover, the great majority of serious musicians take on the monumental task of becoming proficient in this difficult, insecure, ill-respected, and poorly rewarded profession precisely to pursue this seductive, sublime experience. This is why I want to be a musician. 1, read or comment

[ Thursday, September 1, 2005 ] [ mood | pissed off ] Well, its official...I cant play for two weeks!! And maybe even longer than that if my fucking tendonitis doesnt fuckin heel!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooo fuckin pissed!!!!! It's like two weeks without living. When I am this pissed and upset guess what I would do, thats right, I would practice! But no! I cant because of my fucking wrist!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3, read or comment

I want to be a part of it, New York, New York [ Saturday, August 27, 2005 ] [ mood | contemplative ] Yes, I know, it's been a long time. So to sum it up, I guess I'll just talk about school and Amanda. School is very...interesting, this junior year. Here are my rundown for classes. AP Music Theory: The class has been interesting thus far. It's all kinda been review so far, like naming notes in treble, bass, alto, tenor clefs, dictations, the basics like time signatures, etc. But, this will be a good class. Lifetime Sports: Well, we're golfing now, so I can't really do that with my fucking tendonitis! Vignocchi is a nice guy, he said I could still go with everyone to Sportsmans to "golf" instead of staying back and joining a frosh or soph class. I really hope this tendonitis gets better. Orchestra: Orchestra is, by far, the best class, and the one I look forward to every A day. The new assistant, Mrs. Shepard, is a friend of mine from Hello, Dolly! pit two summers ago. It's wierd calling her Mrs. Shepard, b/c I'm used to calling her by her first name. We got some great music this year. First semester: Dvorak Slavonic Dances No. 3 and 5; 4 Star-Spangled Banner-esque anthems, Russlan and Ludmilla (IMEA piece), and the major work Till Euglenspiel. However, I kinda wanted to do Don Juan, but that would be very, very challenging. One of the CSO audition excerpts is from Don Juan, and its no Sunday walk in the park with George (anybody get that?) Next semester, Mrs. Shepard said that we're doing, although its not set in stone, 3 mvts. from Symphonic Metamorphosis by von Weber, Hoedown and another movement from Copland's 'Rodeo', and tdhe concertos. It's gonna be an awesome year. I have to relish this time with all you seniors. Honors US History: Mr. Kallay is the most sarcastic person I have ever met. He is relentless, and more crass than Meyer! On the first day, we went around saying our names and something interesting about us, and he made fun of every single one of us. He even called someone a dumbass. He also went through tons of teachers (McPherrin, Benson, Gallivan, Hoynes, Horvath) and said how much better he was then them. The second day, he was better, and actually showed us that he has passion for history. Although finding 25 key concepts wasn't that fun at all. Twill be an interesting year. B-Day: English: Ms. Kang seemed nice. The class seems very interesting, yes I know I've said that a lot. She said that most of our exams and finals will be essays, which has its advantages. But, it should be a good class. Spanish: Fritz is.......odd. Every other teacher has told us "you guys are juniors now, and we're not gonna treat you like babies" and Fritz is micro-managing us. We can only go to the bathroom 4 times a quarter, and has us sign us. But, I like the kids in the class, and it should be, well, interesting. PreCalc/Trig: I'm with Hill for this one! Mr. Flannery seems very cool, and it should be a good class. Honors Chem: Mr. Grdinic is very cool. He lit things on fire the first day, always a good start. In fact, the first day of my freshman year (or senior year for you seniors) he set the fire alarm off 8-9, anyone remember that? I do, partly b/c while walking out I tripped outside and cut my leg rather badly. But I like the mix of sophs and jrs in my class, they're good people. It will be a good class. So those are my classes. Amanda is doing great!!! She started school to this week. She might be coming down for homecoming, might meaning I have to offically ask her first. And, I have a good plan to do that too. For those of you who dont know, she plays violin, and she's a very active gymnast. She is amazing. I never thought that I would meet anyone like her. Wow. 1, read or comment

[ Sunday, August 14, 2005 ] [ mood | chipper ] Hi kids, I'm in Houston, Texas now with the family. Here's my schedule. A day: 2-3: AP Music Theory (Running and Michelle!) 4-5: Lifetime Sports (Vignocchi) Lunch 1 6-7: Orchestra (Meyer; Hellz Yes! With everyone!) 8-9: Honors US History (Kallay) B day: 2-3: English (Kang) 4-5: Spanish (Fritz) 6-7: Precalc/Trig (Flannery) Lunch 3 8-9: Honors Chem (Gridinic) 2, read or comment

[ Sunday, July 31, 2005 ] [ mood | contemplative ] Your Birthdate: July 24 Born on the 24th, you have a greater capacity for responsibility and helping others than your may have realized. You may also become the mediator and peacemaker in inharmonious situations. Devoted to family, you tend to manage and protect. This birth date adds to the emotional nature and perhaps to the sensitivities. Affections are important to you; both the giving and the receiving. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? comment

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